Monday, April 30, 2012

Why we'll be a family of 3

I've been asked more often about #2 as Ms Frog approaches her first birthday.  I suppose this is logical because we're in our mid 30s and most people have a 1-3 year age difference between kids.  When I say that there won't be a second child, the responses range from "that's cool" to "how could you?".  Interestingly, the negative responses have inspired me to write about this issue and blog about other mom-related things as they pop into my head.  I suppose blogs are private enough to allow for contemplation, but public enough to avoid swear-laden stream of conciousness-type rants.  Plus, I'm sure there are friends who are tired of facebook status updates, conversations, etc about being a mom or about my child.  So back to having one child... I think everyone should have the right to decide how big or small their family is going to be and find it quite rude for people who aren't close friends to sit in judgement about others' choices.  Having several kids works for a lot of people, but it won't (barring statistically unlikely accidents) work for us.

First there are the (admittedly) selfish reasons.  I'm quite vain in my own way and am not fond of the changes in my body that are the result of one pregnancy.  The though of having to go through the process of loosing baby weight and having more loose skin on my stomach would probably be enough on its own to talk me down off of the second kid ledge.  Luckily, there are plenty of less selfish reasons to never get on that ledge in the first place.  I absolutely hated being pregnant except for the part where I got to eat unlimited amounts of ice-cream.  I spent the first four months puking my guts up and grew to the size of a manatee.  An irrational, semi-retarded manatee at that.  In retrospect, my daughter's entry into the world was a fitting end to this party, but I wasn't laughing at the time since I had an emergency C-section under general anesthesia after 20+ hours of labor.  I'm eternally grateful for these interventions and it's sobering to think that one if not both of us wouldn't have survived without them.  As if the pregnancy and birth from hell weren't enough, I also had a tough time for about a month or so after the frog was born.  Pregnancy and birth put a huge strain on me, my family, and my friendships and I simply don't have the desire to put myself or the people I love through that again. 

On a more positive note, work is really important to both adults in our family.  I can't speak for my husband, but having an interesting/challenging job is essential to my psychological well being.  I think it's possible to balance my goals and ambitions with the needs of one small person, but not two.  Friendships and (sadly) excersize are also essential to our happiness.  With one child, we can co-ordinate our schedules so each of us gets the time we need to work out, pop into work, hang out with a friend, etc.  Plus, we can take our charming and sociable child to hang out with friends where appropriate.  We're limited in where/when we can go now, but we'll be able to enjoy going to more places (restaurants, hikes, swimming, etc) as she gets older.  Having a second child would not only set the clock back on these things, but might even put a stop on them altogether.

Finally, we both were lucky enough to be able to play sports, go to camp, and decent schools.  We were also both fortunate to be able to attend college without massive student debt.  These things are not in the reach of many hard-working middle class families anymore even though they should be.  We want to be able to provide all of those things for the froglet.  I want to be able to afford to live in a good school district and put her through college.  I also don't want to have to tell her that she can't do a sport or persue an interest because we can't afford it.  We can provide all of these things for one child, but would not be able to do it for two.  I don't think the benefits of a hypothetical sibling outweigh the likely costs to the wonderful child that we have.  Plus, the three of us and the dog have so much fun together, so why mess up a good thing?